


Breaking Inside

by Evealle



Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005), Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers - All Fandoms, Thor (2011)
Genre: F/M, Roski
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-25
Updated: 2012-09-02
Packaged: 2017-11-12 21:38:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/495920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evealle/pseuds/Evealle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose tells Loki that she's returning to her own universe to save the Doctor, and Loki falls apart as he loses her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For all who are Roski'd.

“It’s ready.”

Loki’s head jerked up to look at her. His face was tense but emotionless. Except for his eyes. His eyes were dark and worried. He knew without needing to ask that she was talking about the dimension cannon and her final trip. That was all that was on her mind these day.

No. That wasn’t true.

That was what she focused most of her time on of late, but he knew that she never really stopped thinking about the Doctor. It was all for him, Loki knew that. He knew that she never forgot that she wouldn’t be on this  _other_  Earth working for Torchwood if it weren’t for the Doctor. But he knew it wasn’t just her changed lifestyle that kept that mysterious man on her thoughts. It had been impossible for Loki to miss - he who watched her so closely - the love she had for the Doctor. 

And now she had a way to leave. Leave this world she didn’t belong to, especially when her heart was on the other side of the void, roaming the universe.

He took up some of her time as well, Loki, as she’d had to help him recover from his injuries after the fall, then get used to living in Midgard. But it wasn’t he who made her smile sadly while her eyes grew distant when she thought of him. 

Now she was leaving, leaving him. He wanted her to miss him, wanted the memory of him to ache inside her chest. but he knew it wouldn’t be so.  _If_  the cannon worked, if she manged to escape this place of imprisonment, he wouldn’t be missed. She would travel her life with her Doctor, and the memory of her him, of Loki, would fade into the shadows of her mind. She might remember suddenly, years later, the forgotten face of the man she once knew, so pale and haunted.

She would be too happy to be reunited with her Doctor to mind leaving him. But he wished that, just once, he could be the recipient of a smile as bright, as warm, and as loving as the one the Doctor would doubtless receive. Just once, so he would know that when she looked at him she saw only  _him_  and that her thoughts were uncluttered, filled only of him. This above all he wanted.

“Loki?”

His focus flicked back to her face from where it had drifted to a point slightly above her ear.

She frowned at him. “Did you hear what I said?”

He flicked his tongue across his lover lip before speaking. “When?”

Her frown deepened with confusion. “What? Just a second ago, when I came in the -“

“No,” he cut her off, his voice quiet and controlled. “When do you go?”

Her expression cleared. “Oh. Tomorrow morning.”

“For good?” His voice was flat.

She hesitated. “Just until I get the job done,” she replied after a moment.

“Who knows how long that will take,” he commented. As if he didn’t know that she wouldn’t return to this place unless it was absolutely necessary. Screw her orders; she wouldn’t be back unless the Doctor forced her to.

She pressed her lips together and studied him, eyebrows tugging downward for a fraction of a second in a studious frown. She was leaning against the doorframe while he sat on the couch in their - no, hers, it was all hers - living room. He held her gaze for a moment before dropping his eyes to the carpet. 

If she tried, if she really stopped and _looked_  at him, she would see through him, see straight through the windows the eyes provided. She’d been too busy with Torchwood; she hadn’t properly looked at him since the day she met him.

She would see him now.

And he didn’t mind. He would let his defenses fall. He dropped them as he dropped his eyes from hers. He heard her release of breath from across the room. She crossed the room and sat in the chair opposite his, closer but not close. As she took her seat, Loki raised his eyes to her. Collapsed in her chair, she wasn’t looking back at him but at the wall above him. She was shaking her head, as if to herself.

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly after a moment.

He dropped his head down, leaning forward with his elbows resting on his knees, hands clasped together. And he started to break. 


	2. Chapter 2

“Take me with you!”

“You know I can’t,” Rose reiterated firmly.

“And you know I can’t stay here. I’m trapped here.” He did not say,  _‘I can’t stay in this world where I’ve spent so much time with you. Even if the parallel Midgard is exactly the same, there is a profound difference to it. A different taste to the air, a different feel to the earth. There will be less traces of_ us _there. I can’t be trapped with the memories of this stolen life with you while I know you’re off with him.’_  He took a deep breath. “I’ve got to escape. Like you.”

She looked sharply at him. “I’m not escaping. This is a mission.”

He rolled his eyes. “As if you didn’t  _beg_  for the assignment.”

“Loki,” she growled, “shut up!” The hurt look veiled in her eyes made him angry, though he didn’t know why.

“Take me with you!” He demanded, the anger coming through in his voice. 

“I  _can’t_.” Rose’s tone was fierce but calm. 

“The boss wouldn’t let you, eh?” He sneered. 

“My orders are to transport only myself!”

His hand balled into a fist, and he slammed it against the counter. “Fuck your orders!” He yelled. His eyes glared at her from across the kitchen, and for a moment a slight glint of red could almost be seen in them. 

“Loki, I dunno what the hell your problem is, but I’m leaving right now.” She turned away from him, and as she did his anger fled from him. Loki let out a sharp breath and took a step backward, stumbling slightly. She started down the hallway, grabbing her coat and shrugging into it.  _She’s leaving, she’s leaving._

“Rose!” he called after her. “Rose!” And his voice the breaking one that had called out in the night when he woke suddenly after dreaming of Asgard, a vulnerable cry that made Rose pause, her hand on the door. He ran to her as she turned her head to look back at him. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he said, tripping over his words.

Her face softened, and she turned around to face him. Reaching out, she laid a hand on his arm. His eyes had grown moist as she looked into them, and his face had lost all composure - crumpled with strong emotions - sadness and apology, love and regret.

And she smiled. A bright, warm, loving smile. Her eyes locked fully on his, and she…smiled.

He gave a breathy laugh, all surprise and relief, and, shaking, he felt a leap in his stomach. “Rose,” he said softly. Their gaze still held, her lips gained a trace of sadness, and she dropped her hand. 

“Goodbye, Loki,” she told him. Eyes on his till the last second, the door closed behind her. 

He let out a choked breath. His fingers stretched forward, grazing the door. She was gone. He could run to the window in the living room and watch her climb into her car and drive away, perhaps even wave to her. But why? The last memory he wanted to have of Rose was her looking straight at him, a sad smile at her mouth. 

“Goodbye,” he whispered, pressing his fingers into the door. He turned, leaning against it, and took short, shaky gulps of air. He slid down to the floor. And he broke.


End file.
